I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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