the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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