speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
