i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Everything about him screamed your future.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
