i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
