oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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