sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she looked like the before picture.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
