Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
