omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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