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i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
