Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
