As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
