I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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