I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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