i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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