i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Randomize
