i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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