my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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