you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
