just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
