someone threw a dead crab at me
Someone shit on the floor
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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