I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
