i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
