Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We had to coat check the pizza.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
