Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
