so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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