oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
