I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
