Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
