a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize