from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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