this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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