D3 body, D1 cock
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize