meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
