I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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