You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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