There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Drake has all the answers
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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