yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
