You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
