i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
