you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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