There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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