you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
