I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
