This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
