I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
