He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
