I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
