watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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