I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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