I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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