Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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