he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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