how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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