you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
