My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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