You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
