party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
