Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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