So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
