he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
