I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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