I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
