Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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