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my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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