You're a womanizer and a bitch.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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