never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
