you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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