I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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