Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
