I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The best revenge is premature balding
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
