Say something about gay babies.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
