So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
