He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
