Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
