i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
