apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
