That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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