I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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